messy.

as of late things have been quite...well, messy i suppose is the most accurate word. it hasnt really been bad or awful or anything. just messy. for the past several weeks i have been excruciatingly homesick. which is odd, because i dont usually get homesick. everything in my life slowly began to unravel because i was so homesick and wanted to be with my family, to be surrounded by familiar. in my head i wanted to be not where i was. so, for the first time in a long time, i politely took leave from my responsibilities and jumped in the car. as i write this i am sitting on my dads brand new couch watching his humongous television. its pretty sweet actually. although, i think i hear my little sister getting sick in the other room. thats not pretty sweet. at all.

i got to go to the dam the past two days. for those who dont know, the dam at the lake is my most favorite place in the enitre world. both times it was nice. i went there first on monday night and then again today, which is tuesday. its still the dam. and its still beautiful. and its still my favorite place. well, at home anyways.

within the past few months a few things have come my way that i am terrified about screwing everything up. i suck at relationships. any kind. if it has to do with me and another person who is or who is not related to me, i blow it. i either say something wrong, or say something right at the wrong time. or i do something stupid. or whatev. i just make it a habit of being relationshiply awkward. and i hate it. so be praying for me so i dont screw up these rare, good, beautiful, right and fun things in my life.

just wanted to update a little on my life. thats all for tonight.