"and i know the heavens will call out your name if i dont..."

well, thats a good thing. cause right now, i dont know that i can.

i know no one really reads this thing, and if they do...well, i have no idea. but anyways, for those who pray, please pray for my family and my mom specifically. and for those who dont pray, please reconsider. last night my mom had to be rushed to the hospital because her leg had swollen up and she was in immense pain. after many tests and shots and poking, the doctors found that she had a severe blood clot in her left leg and part of it had broken off and travelled through her heart to her lungs. thus causing a pulmonary imbelysm(spelling?) aka-not good. she will be in critical care for the next day or so and then in the hospital another few days. right now we are hoping and praying that another part of the clot does not break off. it could end up in her heart and be much much worse. she is on blood thinners and pain medication right now. many people think that the blood thinners will dissolve the clot. wrong. all the blood thinners do is prevent another clot from forming. so please please pray that the clot would dissolve itself and that my mom would be ok. its been a very long day and i dont have any big words or deep thoughts, so i am sorry. and if you do read this, please post a comment so i know that i am not alone in this. i love you guys. thank you.

affections

what stirs your affections for jesus?

something stirred my heart today. not necessarily a thing. but a moment. a sweet jesus filled moment. a dear friend of mine who is now halfway around the world sent me a message asking me for some prayer. at first i wasnt shocked and didnt hesitate to assure her that all my prayers are in fact hers. after chatting a few minutes i was quickly called upon to step up and act on what i say is truth. come to find out, a sister of mine is struggling prety hardcore with some things and honestly i have no idea what it is. but if it is anything like we suppose, it is most definately a matter of life and death. physical life as well as spiritual life. and i contend that the latter is of far more value. in that moment of great need, i praise father that "for this very purpose he has raised me up, that he might show his power in me, and that his name might be proclaimed in all the earth". i beg you to fight for life. thats the thing about dying to self every day. its supposed to feel like death. but dear friend, life always stands on just the other side of death. so friend, endure the suffering. and praise father that he has found you worthy to suffer for the glory of his name. and then do not be foolish, but proclaim your sufferings and weaknesses, for it is in your weakness that he is all the more strong. this stirs my heart for him. the reality. the ugliness. the honesty. the vulnerability. everything about this situation speaks jesus to me. thank you father. continue to stir this passion in me.

so i ask you again, what stirs your affections for jesus? i urge you to seek it out. and then hold on to it and run with it because there is only one place it could have come from. apparently he has found you worthy...

you are loved.

night-time

there is something about the way night sounds here in texas. maybe its in the majority of america, but i only really know texas so i will keep it limited to that. there is just something about the night-time sounds that brings comfort and peace to my ever so unsettled heart. the crickets, or maybe its locusts -i dont know really know, but we'll pretend like i do. its comforting. it peaceful. and i think something about those sounds reminds me that all of creation is waiting in expectation of fathers return. those sounds let me know that i am not alone when it so often feels that way. someday...i will miss that sound.

tonight was a hard night in a lot of ways. nothing in particular happened that was awful or life-altering, it was just hard. a lot of emotions were felt again, and i wouldnt let myself cry. maybe i should have. its ok to cry. but something inside me says not to. "dont let people see that you are weak." ...who cares anymore.


"take not thy presence from me. for i desire to know you more. for you are worthy of all. you're worthy of all i am and more. i need to set my mind on things above on the holiness and glory of my god. in the heavens and in my heart you created a mountain and who set a spark that grew into a flame that burns deeply for you. overwhelm me. take me from this place and put me in the place where you are. overwhelm me. shake the ground i stand on, i want to be dependent on you. i stand before you king. filthy. unworthy. you still wash me clean. and say to me my child you're worthy. i need to set my mind on things above on the holiness and glory of my god. in the heavens and in my heart. who created a mountain and set a spark that grew into a flame. overwhelm me. shake from this place and put me in the place where you are. overwhlem me. shake the ground i stand on i want to be dependent on you."