scattered thoughts.

tonight my heart is heavy. i always dread these nights. and yet, they always come. in my heart i know the truth. its my head that always deceives me. my heart is stuck tonight somewhere between obedience and rebellion. hah. seems thats where our hearts usually are. you know, the whole "i keep on doing what i dont want to do, and what i want to do, i cant carry it out." that battle? yea, thats tonight.

my heart is breaking. heavy. like this huge weight on my soul. there is so much that i dont understand. so much that i want to understand. and yet so much that i wont even begin to comprehend this side of being with jesus.

but, please tell me that we havent been abandoned here. that we havent been left to ourselves. i need to know that there is more than all this. there has to be, right? this cant possibly be all there is.

sorry that this most likely makes no sense, i just needed to write. its not like anyone is reading anyways. and if you are- hi. what do you think?